Friday, October 30, 2009

Remember the movie, "Stand By Me" ...I think you'll like this one too! (not a movie though)

From The Duck Of Earl

"I'm now 69 years plus and still wondering what I want to be when I grow up...so ya see, it never goes away."

Stand By Me

I was watching the movie "Stand By Me" this morning. You do things like that when you're banging your head against the wall waiting for a prospective employer to call or at least return your email - if they ever do. Suffice to say, being laid off and not having an income is a truly terrifying experience, so I don't recommend it for a career choice. The prospect of losing everything is very real. I guess I should blame myself. After all, I was an English and Film major and have spent most of my career in the banking industry. Go figure. I'd love to be a writer or something in the creative fields, but I don't have the professional experience. On the other hand, I don't have the Business degree required to get past some Human Resource Nazis. In a nutshell, I'm screwed.

Thinking back to the movie, I wondered what I wanted to be when I was younger. I was never one of those kids who wanted to be a cowboy, fireman or astronaut. I just wanted to be older and just sort of do what I wanted to do. I think the first thing I wanted to be was a zoologist. When I was about eight, my parents bought me a gigantic book of animals. It wasn't one of those cute little books with cartoons and giant fonts. It was very detailed, with intelligent language and beautiful color pictures. I ate it up. I was never much interested in insects, birds or monkeys. I found them relatively boring. I wasn't much for sea creatures, either, except for sharks. When you're a boy, pretty much the only animals that get you juiced are meat eaters - lions, bears, tigers, alligators, you name it. It's why the Tyrannosaurus Rex is still the most popular dinosaur around. No one knew about Velociraptors until Jurassic Park came out, so the T. Rex was always king. Sure, we liked the Stegosaurus and Triceratops, but, for pure fantasy and imagination fodder, nothing beat the King of the Dinosaurs. Then, one day, I was bitten by the neighbor's dog. I didn't like it. Mind you, this dog was probably 20 pounds, tops. I did some quick math in my head and realized lions were much bigger and would have no issue with destroying me. I decided I wanted to be something else.

I wrestled with the idea of being a baseball player. I wasn't half bad, but I wasn't half good, so that hope quickly died on the vine. I thought I could possibly be a hockey player. Now here, I thought, was a career I could sink my teeth into. I was really a very good street hockey player. I usually played against bigger kids, and although I would get bruised and bloodied, I scored my share of goals. Of course, professional hockey players need to be able to ice skate. I had three problems with this: 1) I had no access to an ice skating rink, 2) I didn't own a pair of ice skates and 3) I didn't even know how to skate. I couldn't even roller skate. I went to Spinning Wheels roller rink to attempt skating and looked like a newborn giraffe on an oil slick. At an age when you are desperate to look cool, I apparently went out of my way to capture the Biggest Dork trophy. I won the award so many times they renamed it in my honor. I'll have to remember to pad my resume with that little tidbit.

So there I was, at 14 years old, with no career aspirations. It's a good thing I started being interested in girls, because that was a full-time job unto itself, For me, it was hanging out in the woods with my troublemaker friends, going to the mall and being too painfully shy to ask out any girl I found even remotely attractive. Oftentimes, I would just put on my headphones and let my albums take me to far away planets, other worlds and places in my mind too fantastic to explain. By the time I was done, and my ears were swollen and ringing, I would be covered in sweat, disappointed I had to come back to reality. I guess I just sort of assumed I would go to college, graduate, and have some suit and tie waiting for me, as I walked off the stage with my diploma, to offer me a job. I was on cruise control.

Well, I did make it into college...and promptly flunked out midway through my sophomore year. The ship was sinking and I was fixing the leak by playing Frisbee and tapping kegs. Eventually, I learned my lesson and matriculated back to full time status. I even earned an academic scholarship. How do you like those apples? I had a friend named Lisa Vitale, and we used to write each other over the summer, back when people actually wrote letters. She asked what I was going to do for work one summer and I sort offhandedly wrote back, "I'll probably try find a job in a bank." By that time, my work resume was fairly impressive - paper boy, auto shop grunt, door man, grocery store bagger...I was obviously qualified. Well, it never did materialize, but I did make a name for myself as being one of the most unreliable bartenders to ever work a university bar. I always gave free drinks to pretty girls and friends - and I was surrounded by friends and pretty girls. Ah, youth.

The years stumbled by, and before I knew it, I had my college diploma in hand, I thought to myself, "Ok, Slick, now what?" I was stuck. I had no answer. I knew I didn't want to bartend anymore and the thought of working eight hours - in a single day! - was even less appealing to me. Well, eventually, I found myself in banking, doing collections. Hell, it was a paycheck, even though I hated talking to people on the phone - still do. Well, wouldn't you know it, a paycheck became a job which became a career in the banking world. It was like I was caught in an occupational slipstream. It was during this time I started developing a love for writing and creating. I was writing stories, skits, songs, dialogues, monologues, fables...I even started a screenplay, until my computer crashed and zapped it all to hell. I always had a head for numbers but I developed a love for words, too. I suppose there could be worse things than being able to work both sides of your brain equally well, but nearly impossible to find something on Career Builder or Monster.com using those search words. All of this time applying and waiting can take its toll on you. I'm keeping weird hours, sleeping during the day and being wide awake all night. I think perhaps I have turned into a vampire. I mean, I do avoid mirrors and garlic - and I have to admit I have a badass coffin - but there's not much room for advancement amongst the undead and the pay is terrible.

I haven't given up hope, although it would be very easy to do so. I also won't be writing about this particular topic anymore. Hey, you folks have your own fields to plough. Even though I have the daunting specter of the unthinkable at my doorstep, I still allow myself the opportunity to revel in the joys of being human and alive. Sometimes, that takes the guise of watching a movie, going for a drive or meeting up with friends. Tonight, I think I'll unwind with some music. I'll connect my ear buds to the laptop, kick back and let the music take me on some mystical, cosmic adventure, beyond the stars, to the nether reaches of the galaxy and into deep space.

Life was simpler when we were younger. We all had hopes and dreams of what we wanted to be. How many of us can honestly say we have accomplished that? I know I haven't. You probably haven't, either. Tonight, I won't worry about being a banker, a writer or even a bartender. I won't worry about being unemployed. I won't imagine myself as a hockey player, zoologist or baseball player. In fact, tonight, perhaps I'll be something else, something I never saw myself being - aside from someone looking for a job.

Maybe, tonight, I'll be an astronaut.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why won't you speak about your unemployment again? It's what's going on for a lot of people right now. I'm sure you'll pull together with your wife/partner and get through this. Don't stop talking about it.

Kevin said...

I have no significant other.

woodysmom said...

I'm being laid off from a bank I've been at for 18 years, 18 years ago I was laid off from a bank I was at for 6 years. No more banks!!!
Don't know what I'll do, for some reason it hasn't upset me too much. Probably the kick in the ass I need to go find something I'd rather do. I'll have to take a psychology course just to get through an interview.
Stand By Me...great story, great movie. Stephen King is awsome.

SymplyAmused said...

Sorry to hear about the layoff, Kevin. I hope you find something soon. I faced that last year but have been fortunate in finding a job rather quickly (at a less pay though). As for a business degree, I'm working on my Bachelor's of Business now and for the life of me keep asking myself why? why? why? Good luck!

Storm'n Norm'n said...

The essay was fantastic which proves there's more to the source than meets the eye.

Heck, I dreamed of being so many different things the shear volume would never allow it. For awhile there...maybe around thirteen, I wanted to be Tarzan of the Jungles.
Swinging on ropes was very exciting but that was it, no goals at the end of the rope...it was all in the swing!

Meanwhile, I laughed at my friend when he got his draft notice during the Berlin Crisis...then I went home and found mine in the mailbox. Too make a long story short, we enlisted in the Air Force. I don't want you to know what I did because that too confusing for people who haven't been there...unless maybe you ask on a separate occasion. But anyway, I ended up 21 years and 10 days in a field I never imagined existed. Must of liked it because I staid so long.
Then I retired and went back to school at the age of 42 still wondering what I was going to be when I grow up. That was at UTSA (Texas at San Antonio) then some other stuff happened and I ended up in the food manufacturing business...mostly as a Quality Assurance manager (you know those nutritional labels you see on all food products...I did that). In the early nineties I was a consultant to the entire industry (that is, on the east coast going from Nova Scotia, Canada to Virginia and west to Wisconsin). The traveling was extensive so I setlled down with one of the companies I consulted for. Moved around a bit with one of the companies and then retired. I'm now 69 years plus and still wondering what I want to be when I grow up...so ya see, it never goes away.
Norm
PS: I like your story better than mine

2 comments:

  1. Thanks, Storm'n Norm'n! How did you stumble across my essay?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ref:How did you stumble across my essay?"

    Well I'll have to go back and do some checking...usually I find stuff when I'm on a search for other stuff and I'm always side-tracked to new stuff that has no relation to the old stuff...does that make sense? I'll make some effort to go backwards but I've already closed most of the associated windows.

    Meanwhile, my site meter had you has 'Unknown' but my 'FeedJit' labled you out of Wilmington, Delaware. I'll be traveling up that way in a week or so. We usally stay just outside Anapolis, Maryland (south of the Bay Bridge)
    before we make the last haul to Massachusetts. We also considered some property south of Dover, Delaware about two years ago but that fizzled out...guess we'll stay here in tax-free Alabama (tax free for me anyway...over 65 and no state reportable income...kinda the best deal of any of the other 49).
    We are originally from Massachusetts and still own a condo at Cape Cod...we visit several times per year.
    Talk at ya later...no let's see how I found you...

    ReplyDelete